Should you separate team members in conflict?

Human conflicts and disagreements are natural. As long as human beings work together, there will be those who work well together while others feel strong dislike.

And each individual would be convinced that their view of the situation is right. Worse, many feel that their perception is the only possible way of seeing it and, therefore, they must be right.

Since there is often not one single solution which helps to decide who is wrong and who is right, managers – even when moving into a judge’s role – cannot solve the conflict.

Observing managerial behavior during the past years, I can state that they often tend to avoid conflict instead of solving it. Depending on the attention they pay to team constellations and atmosphere, they would notice that "something is not working well" sooner or later. And many would wait to see what happens, until the small irritation becomes big, until a tiny resentment grows into a monstrous “I cannot work with that person.”

Only when faced with the big problem and admitting their need for help would they approach Human Resources and ask for a separation.

Separation can mean two things:

Some would ask for a termination (agreement) and hope to never see the employee again. Others would ask for an internal transfer (could be to another shift, another department, etc.) and believe that they create a win-win situation.

Both ways are a quick "getting rid of the problem." And employees in conflict often even agree to changing into another team.

Fine, you might think — problem solved.

But is this really the case? Will a human conflict be solved by separating the individuals in conflict?

No.

Will it help the situation? In some rare cases, yes. There are circumstances where separation and conflict avoidance are the better choice, for example:

• If it is not out of comfort that you are choosing the shortcut.

• If it is a conscious decision after deep analysis and reflection.

• If it is about an employee who you have already known for many years and who has never been in conflict with others in the past, but now experiences enormous problems with one certain individual.

  
  

In most cases, however, separation will not help. Why? Because a conflict is always about two (or more) individuals. Both come with their mindset and experiences, both feel that they are right, both will move into a new team with more or less the same mindset as before, plus the pain they just experienced.

The excitement about the new situation, the new team, the new supervisor will fade. What is inside of the individual will remain and accompany them. Sooner or later, the conflicts will return. Sometimes they are the same sort of conflict, just in different settings and with another adversary. Sometimes it is another type of conflict, but it arose in the individual who moved and who might not even be aware of what is his or her part in the situation.

Alternative Paths

You might now wonder whether all conflicts can or should be solved instead.

No. That won’t be possible.

The prerequisite for solving a conflict is some kind of willingness or a spark of openness by everyone involved to improve and change the situation. As long as they block and subconsciously prefer their version of being right, they will not cooperate. This behavior is not to be underestimated! Each individual might tell you that they do their best to improve the relationship, while subconsciously spreading negative energy towards their adversary.

What are possible actions for you as a leader?

• Observe: Try to make up your own opinion of the situation instead of relying on what others say about it.

• Analyze: Take your time and reflect on what you noticed.

• 360: Depending on the environment and confidentiality level, reach out to trusted team members or colleagues and ask for their observations. If possible, avoid any kind of assessment in that step. Only perception without judgment.

• Coaching: Reach out to a trusted person, your HR partner, or even an external coach. Open up and ask for their advice.

• Empathy: Use all opportunities possible to foster empathy. Let people get to know each other. Let them talk about their individual needs. Support a respectful and understanding environment.

Understanding each other’s needs and mindsets is the key to actually solving conflicts. You don’t need to love the other’s way of being or thinking, but the more you get to know them, the easier it will become to feel with and respect them.

And, very important: Never give up. Try more than once. It might take years until certain individuals open up and start a trusted work relationship with somebody they don’t innately like.

Don’t confuse team relationships with private friendship! We are all at work to achieve results for a company and in return they pay us money. If your close team member becomes your best friend over the years — enjoy it. But don’t expect to only be surrounded by friends or people with your mindset at work.

This is now another topic, but being too close with everyone brings another set of challenges in a business environment.