The unexpected compliment behind a frustrating request

A colleague of mine recently asked me for advice and feedback on a specific situation. I agreed to meet with him for an open conversation online.

We talked, and I openly shared all my thoughts with him. He listened and commented. Then, after about 20 minutes, something unexpected happened.

He asked me if I could send him a summary of my feedback by email.

What?! Seriously?

Man, you asked for my help. I took the time to talk everything through, and instead of taking notes yourself, you ask me to prepare a summary for you?

Wow. No.

It was a rollercoaster of emotions: surprise, confusion, feeling disrespected, maybe even used. I wondered about his mindset—was he just lazy?

After a moment of speechlessness, I chose to give him immediate feedback. I told him I was happy to have the conversation, but I expected him to take his own notes rather than creating double work for me.

He apologized immediately and assured me that he didn't intend to be a burden.

And then, he said something that turned the whole situation into a positive moment for me:

"I thought you had already written it all down. You sounded like you were reading from a piece of paper."

Haha—wow. No.

All I had prepared in writing were three bullet points. Three words.

His comment, however, was valuable feedback for me. It proved that I had finally learned to prepare in my head without writing everything out. Without clinging to my notes. Without needing a script.

This has required a lot of practice. And courage.

• When presenting.

• When entering difficult conversations.

• When standing on stage talking to hundreds of people.

• When trusting myself to find the right words in the moment, without knowing exactly what would come out.

  
  

If my colleague believed I was reading my thoughts instead of speaking freely, I must have sounded well-prepared and precise.

His feedback proved that I had achieved what I had wanted for a long time: The ability to know clearly what I want to say, and the confidence to express it with total fluency.