What does it take to become a leader?

My short answer to that question is: nothing special! Just real interest in human beings and their different personalities.

Does this sound too easy to you? Okay, understood. I want this post to be a short overview however and I will to focus on some key elements only.

But let us first get back to what I just wrote: real interest. People tend to believe that they have and show real interest. I say that this is not true. You might not be totally honest with yourself. Or you might be used to a rather superficial life, in which it is easier to only scratch on the surface of things, relationships, projects, instead of taking deep dives.

How can we measure real interest? It varies from individual to individual. Maybe it would help you to reflect on how often and how long you think about other human beings and relationships. And whether you try to foster good relationships between people. Are you passionate about people? Or do you prefer the technical part of your role and accept the people part for financial or career reasons?

Now, let us focus on some key elements of leadership.

Respect

No matter your experience, your status, your hierarchy, your reputation, your nationality, your gender or your religion: Always treat the people around you with respect. Always. We are all human beings and no one is better than the other. Of course, it can happen that you are the manager and your direct report does not meet your expectations. It can also happen that you decide that this work relationship is not a good match and that your ways should part. Still — you have the choice to treat the other with dignity and respect. He or she might flower in a different environment.

“When a flower does not bloom, you fix the environment in which it grows, not the flower.” (Alexander den Heijer)

(From personal experience, I must admit that it can be challenging to live by this quote in finance-driven business surroundings, but it still helps to keep this statement in mind.)

Always assume good intent

Sometimes, we are unable to understand why someone behaves the way he or she does. Even with reflection and empathy we cannot follow their thoughts or actions. We might try hard, but would not understand what is good about their choice. Still, there is always a reason why people think or behave the way they do. And their behavior is the right one in their eyes. They are convinced of a good outcome or think that their actions will do them good — even when they decide to harm someone else or themselves. Realizing this can be hurtful to us and the good intent might be hiding, but it is there.

Everything is connected

In the Western world, we believe in individual success and often focus on ourselves. It is important to us to distinguish between our own ego and the other people. By doing so, we try to increase our self-worth. However, at the same time, we neglect that everything is connected. Literally, everything is connected. Not just friends and family. The universal connectedness goes beyond human beings. Understanding that everything (every thing!) and everybody (every body!) depend on each other and are in relation with each other, makes us look at, value, and treat others differently. With value. And respect.

Be open-minded

Life brings many surprises. If you choose to be curious about other people and different perspectives on life, you will quickly establish relationships and get to know your team on a personal level. You will not start by assessing or judging them. Instead you will observe and wait to see what they do or say. You will not state whether that was good or bad.

The same approach counts for your guidance. You might start by asking questions to understand their way of decision-making and choices, not push for your personal standard. And you can ask questions to guide them towards your way of reflecting without forcing them to behave just as you would. This approach can help you stay flexible and recognize that there is never just one single right way of doing things.

Live a growth mindset

Know that you can learn from every human being. Even a two-year old can change your perspective on life or help you calm down and be present. Or challenge you in an area where you have not collected much experience yet. Having said this, you can also learn from any employee you will meet. The most junior person will bring experiences or characteristics to your life which you have not had before. If you open your mind, you will let them in and you will learn from them. Sometimes it will be a small life lesson, sometimes you will be touched profoundly and change your way of thinking afterwards.

Challenge and develop people

The same accounts the other way around. Dare to share your personality and your perspective on life with your employees. Especially if you are new in a leadership role, this can mean a learning process for you. You might be younger than some of your reports and therefore lack life experience, but if you choose to lead and be in that role, you will bring your own style and give them from your life.

As the world continuously changes, you will need to adapt and so does your team. Let them grow, give them time to match your style. Find out about individual strengths, use them and help everyone grow even stronger.

Keep calm and carry on

Last but not least, leading others will inevitably bring challenges to you. You might get frustrated, if things do not develop or turn out the way you expected them to happen. You might question yourself, your decisions or beliefs. You might not be sure whether you are right in the role. Alternatively, you might feel confident about yourself, but your employee could demonstrate misconduct. Whatever comes along your way, try to influence positively what is in your hand. And accept that you will not be able to control all facets of your leadership life. For sure, you will not be able to control other people’s behavior. If you bear that in mind, it will become easier to accept imperfect situations and make the best out of them. Just carry on.

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Summed up, these are only some thought patterns that can be helpful when being in a leadership role. Depending on your individual environment and personality, you might need to focus on different aspects. Yet, I am convinced that all topics mentioned above will serve in your favor. Happy leading!