The power of embracing change and personal development

In a coaching session last week, the coachee was unhappy with his own feelings and behavior. Commenting on it, he told me, “But what can I do about it? I behave that way because that is how I grew up. That is how my parents educated me”.

Hm.

I will share some thoughts that might help you in a similar situation. Please bear in mind that there is never one right or wrong. It is a matter of perspective and individual situation. Some reflections may serve you more than others.

Education

We are all raised in different ways and what we learn in early years builds the foundation of general life assumptions and principles. This is what we would often call “normal”.

However, even siblings of one family will not have exactly the same principles and values. To some extent, because parents are not able to treat every child exactly the same way. Partially, because every human being grows up in different times and with individual experiences. Moreover, because every body consists of different genes.

In general, we can observe two individuals and state that

the closer their birth dates,

the closer their locations of residence,

the higher the number of people they both spend most time with,

the more likely they will have the same principles, values, and norms. Their share of what is “normal” is bigger than if the contrary of the upper points was true.

When looking at principles, we can also state that they are oftentimes underlying, meaning that the individual will not even think about or note them.

This pre-setting makes it more challenging to question oneself or to start a change process. Questioning a perspective or our own behavior that we believe is the most natural thing can really hurt or turn our world upside down.

So, the first step to change will be to recognize that.

The next step is admitting that one of your core values or behaviors will need to be eliminated or adapted.

The third step is about willingness to change. The more fundamental a way of thinking or a certain behavior, the more effort and time it will take to adapt to something new. Especially if it is not just a modification of behavior, but maybe the opposite of what you used to think or do.

Self-realization vs. helplessness

People have different beliefs about whether they are capable of changing or not.

Some believe that everything in life is given and that they cannot or should not influence what God or destiny predetermined for them.

Others try to create the world they imagine no matter the obstacles.

And most are somewhere in between.

I believe that it is important to reflect on your personal attitude. Looking back at the coaching session which I mentioned above, you first need to truly believe in personal growth and change.

After your individual reflection on how fundamental the change will be for yourself, you need true commitment. If you believe in yourself, you will make the change.

Oftentimes, it will take a while or even many years. You might feel like failing or have doubts about succeeding. But if you stay committed and trust your ability to adapt and change, you will do it.

Keep in mind that your body and brain are flexible. They can learn and therefore change as long as you live. And that is beautiful, isn’t it?

If you are interested in learning more about the how - how to go into fundamental and sustainable changes - I highly recommend James Clear’s book Atomic Habits.